does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
