I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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