Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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