help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
