It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
