btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
