if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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