he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
