uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
