my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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