hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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