five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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