I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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