Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
