So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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