i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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