You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Houston, we have a squirter
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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