I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
