I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
