Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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