mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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