so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
false alarm, still single
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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