don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize