I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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