a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
