3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
