Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fill condoms, not promises.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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