Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
