if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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