porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
