I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
