so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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