i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
