Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
