I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
