She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My penis needs a shock collar
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
