I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
