Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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