first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
