"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
