You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
