so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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