Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
