they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
