I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it's like heaven, but drunker
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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