Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I smell like Dick and happiness
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