I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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