I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
