Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am available for nakedness
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
