I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm really busy with my period
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