I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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