So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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