Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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