remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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