I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
