I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
