bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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