Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
