I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
