i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
