i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
