I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
