I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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