The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
