.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
